Mediating Through Life - Focus on the Big Picture

It’s been a year.  One for the books.  I planned to write a blog titled “Laughing Through Life” as lately I’ve been reminded of the importance of finding moments of humanity and allowing yourself to laugh at the comedy of life rather than sinking into despair or sadness.  Then while attending an alternative dispute resolution seminar, and later during Thanksgiving holiday when I looked back on the year, it hit me how often I apply mediation skills in my personal life (or how suited my regularly used skills are for mediation).  “Mediating through life” is staying calm and focused on the big picture even while chaos may be erupting around and the world seeming to fall apart…

At the beginning of the year, I set professional goals for myself for the year.  I was determined to take action to realign with my goal of increasing my mediation practice.  I found myself becoming entrenched again in litigation and needed to get back on track with goals I made when starting my law firm in 2023 and going into solo practice.  My background is in litigation, but I feel a calling to use my skills for mediation in a positive way to help others resolve disputes.  Towards that goal, I took a big step by submitting a proposal for a speaker opportunity at the alternative dispute resolution event in November.  Then everything went off the rails in my personal life…

Circumstances necessitated moving my parents closer to me and my sister from their home in South Georgia.  It was a fast move, and a difficult one, as my parents had lived more than 50 years in the same neighborhood with friends and community they adored.  In addition to moving them, I oversaw clearing out and preparing the house for an estate sale and eventual home sale.  I saw a finite endpoint and pushed myself to make it work so I could turn my focus back to my own personal and work commitments.  Life had other plans.  A string of developments throughout the year tested me like nothing else I had experienced.  Along the way, I learned (and continue to learn) about new areas ranging from navigating Medicare and insurance for my parents to learning about assisted living communities.  I had to be flexible, patient, calm and focused on the big picture in order not to lose it and throw in the towel. 

After a month or so of my parents loving their new normal in an active senior community, everything changed.  My dad had to move to Memory Care – much sooner than we expected or anticipated – resulting in a separation of my parents for the first time in their 50+ year marriage.  A couple months later, my dad was “evicted” from his Memory Care unit requiring us to find him a new place to live.  We relocated him in a Memory Care unit in another facility, and shortly afterwards my mom moved to a separate unit in the same facility.  In the midst of adjusting to the changes, my mom fell and broke her ankle requiring surgery that left her wheelchair bound for several weeks and needing additional assistance.  There were also unexpected complications in selling my parents’ home in South Georgia to close out that chapter of our lives. 

I tried to remain calm, practical, and focused as I helped navigate my parents’ needs while also managing my own life and work demands.  I found myself exercising skills useful for mediation without realizing it at the time – mediating with my mom to reach decisions on moving and other things that needed to be done and how we’d get it done, mediating with my sister in trying to divide and conquer the growing demands throughout the year and trying to support her through the various changes and demands from our parents, mediating with third parties in efforts to address (and sometimes correct) things that had fallen through the cracks or gotten confused, mediating with friends and associates in trying to explain my need to focus on family issues, and mediating with myself in prioritizing my time and commitments while making sure I maintained some semblance of a personal life and had outlets to avoid going crazy or feeling defeated and staying balanced as much as possible.  I sought practical and creative solutions and tried to give myself grace while also trying to extend grace and civility to my family to focus on the big picture because they needed me even if it may be hard. 

There is a positive end to this story.  My speaker proposal was accepted, and I successfully shared my presentation at the alternative dispute resolution seminar.  My mom and dad are now safe and secure, their old house is sold, and it feels our family as a whole has turned a positive corner.  I know I have turned a positive corner.  I am reinvigorated and have realigned with the goals I set at the start of the year.  This year has challenged me in new ways but also made me stronger.  I had a detour, but life is about picking up and moving forward.  As Teddy Roosevelt said, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…”  We all face obstacles and adversity, as well as moments of doubt, but hard work and consistent effort over time leads to success and valuable results.  No matter what life may throw at you, try to stay focused on the big picture. 

#mediation #smallbusinessowner #balance